


symphony

by dorianhavilliards



Series: in the next world [1]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 22:05:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11860557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorianhavilliards/pseuds/dorianhavilliards
Summary: High school au. Nesta and Cassian are in their senior year... but nothing's happened yet. (Or has it?)





	symphony

**Author's Note:**

> title is from symphony by clean bandit & zara larsson  
> this is my first real fic so i don't even know what i'm doing.  
> ps. i made nesta only a year older than both her sisters because of Reasons, but i hope i haven't gone ooc for anyone.

She hates him.

She absolutely hates him. She can't stop thinking about this fact: she absolutely without a doubt feels the greatest loathing for him.

He's sitting a couple of tables over, talking to his friends. They're laughing about some stupid joke that he's said. _It's probably not even funny,_ she thinks. And no, she doesn't care to know what the joke was. Of course it wasn't funny. Nothing Cassian ever said could be coherent enough to be actually funny. She wants to get up and tell them to just shut the hell up because they're in a public library and someone is actually trying to study, but they're not actually making that much noise.

(A truth: she probably wouldn't even hear their whispered laughs if she weren't paying that much attention. Not that she'd ever admit it.)

They are, however, creating a big fuss. A whisper is one thing. But dozens of whispers are very hard to ignore, especially when they come from every angle of the vast room. Nesta shakes her head, mentally directing the gesture to all the people in the room -girls, boys and yes, even the old librarian- fawning over Cassian and his two best friends, Rhysand and Azriel. "Biggest stars of Prythian", the local newspaper called them.

Nesta scoffs at the mere thought. In a town as small as Prythian, can anyone really be a _big_ star, anyway?

And furthermore, can anyone really be called a 'star' only because they're the best players in an _high school_ team? Why does Prythian even have to care about what happens in a high school? It's not real life. That just comes later. This is just some guys throwing basketballs at each other. It doesn't matter that they're good at it, it's still just not enough.

(It also doesn't matter that they look extremely good doing it.)

"You hate him. I know."

Nesta slides a look toward her friend. A look that would kill most people. It's a good thing Amren isn't most people. If there's someone with deadlier looks in all of Prythian, it's her.

"I didn't say a thing."

"You didn't have to. I know what you're thinking every time they're in the room. It's always the same thing: _I hate them, I hate him_." Nesta starts nodding because, well, it's true after all. She abruptly stops when Amren adds " _Oh but why won't he look this way?_ ".

"That's it. I do not care that you are supposed to do half of our assignment, Amren. I'm killing you right this second and then I'm going to do all of the work. We both know it'd turn out better this way anyway, and I'd get a better grade, too, because Professor C. doesn't like you since she found out you've been sleeping with her younger brother…"

"Ah, Nesta Archeron. No one can change the subject better than her."

Nesta just rolls her eyes. She knows how to pick her battles, and when Amren gets something into her head there's no way to change her mind. Even if she's wrong. _Which she is._

As if Nesta could really care about _him_.

She stands up. With a last evil glare at her friend, who has the audacity to smile and then subtly look toward _their_ table, she goes looking for a new book to use in the research.

(A mathematical truth: she already has the six books she needs for it.)

She slips through the rows of bookshelves, letting her hand linger on all of the books she passes. Ever since she was a child, Nesta has loved libraries. She truly felt like herself in them. It's funny, because if you asked anyone, they'd probably tell you they don't know how to describe her. But if they looked at her -really looked at her- in a library, they'd probably see a truth.

Of how she feels naked in libraries, but without the embarrassment that would come from having people see her, because she knows they don't. Alone in this nakedness, she thinks of herself like just another stacked bookshelf. Hard edges framing rows and rows of stories. She supposes maybe that's what she's made of: a collection of things she's seen, things she's felt, things she's dreamed… put into the pages of a book that no one will ever read.

(She is her own best kept secret.)

Books make her feel safe. They quiet her restless heart.

Lost in her thoughts, at first she fails to notice that she is no longer alone. When she does, though, she wishes she could go back and stop at a different bookshelf. Because, even though she hasn't seen him yet, she knows who's standing a few steps away. The knowledge sends a shiver through her back.

(A hidden truth: she _always_ knows when he's near.)

She turns to him.

"Cassian."

He just smiles. It's a tiny one, a soft one, one that she's come to know all too well. It's that smile he has when they're hiding away from the world in the backyard of Rhysand's house.

She didn't use to go, at first. But she knows how it started.

(It was Cassian who told her, one night after everyone had fallen asleep. They sat on the porch with hot mugs of tea in their hands. They talked all night.)

* * *

 

It started ages ago for the three of them. Cassian, Azriel and Rhysand have known each other since they were kids. Rhysand had the biggest house, so that made for the best playing ground. As they grew up, they kept hanging out there, just the three of them. Middle school brought the first addition: a blonde rebel by the name of Mor, who's actually Rhysand's cousin. Cassian had even blushed in his retelling of this part. "We- me and Az… we kind of had a crush on her, you know?" (Nesta knew. Mor never shut up about it. _Probably the whole school knows,_ she had thought but hadn't said.)

Flash forward to high school. Nesta had to survive one whole year on her own, being the oldest, before her two sisters became freshmen. It was one year of being surrounded by terribly idiotic people, with the exception of her one and only friend, Amren. It was not a quiet year. It was the year she met the infamous trio. Soon they joined the school team, and there was no peace in their classroom after that. Nesta's favorite pastime was sending death glares to all three of them, and if Amren helped too, it never went unnoticed. But that year there were no contacts between them all outside of the class.

That wouldn't happen until one year later, when wild Feyre had walked in, dragging sweet Elain with her. For some reason lost in the two years since then, Nesta was arguing with Cassian, who was shadowed by two smirking Rhysand and Azriel. Suddenly someone reached for her, covering her eyes with hands that smelled of paint. Knowing instantaneously that it was Feyre, Nesta just crossed her arms. Feyre laughed, releasing her and coming out from behind her, sending curious look at everyone else. "So… sophomores aren't that different from freshmen, are they?" she asked. To which Rhysand had jumped from the table he was sitting on, took Feyre's hand and made a big scene of kissing itafter saying "Oh yes we are". Half a year later, they were dating. That led to Feyre going to Rhysand's with the others, asking her sisters to go as well, Elain accepted with a smile, Nesta not so kindly refused in front of the guys.

It wasn't until the summer that she finally went.

(A secret she'd never tell: she's never happier than the times when she's there.)

* * *

 

 "Nesta?"

Cassian's voice brings her back from her reminiscing.

"You seemed kinda lost there."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You know, Nes, for someone who's so smart you sure never seem to know what anyone's talking about…"

She scoffs. "Shut up you idiot. Why are you even following me?"

"I am not, actually, I truly need a book." That said, he reaches for a book on the shelf without even looking at it. Nesta raises an eyebrow. (She's really good at the raising an eyebrow thing, almost as if she had practiced it in front of a mirror. She hasn't, it's just the practice she's had in the past four years spent around certain people.)

"So you need that particular book, uh? It's not a random one at all?"

"Nope."

"Great," she exclaims going next to him "let's see what it's about, shall we?"

Without even blinking Cassian opens up the book toward the middle. They read for a few seconds before Cassian loudly closes the book. This time _both_ of Nesta's eyebrows go up. "So what you were looking for is actually… bad porn?"

Cassian can't contain his laughter. "Okay fine you got me. I would never ever ever read this."

"Well, I'd hope you'd at least go for, you know, better written porn…" she says, between a whisper and a laughter, trying to keep her blush to a minimum. She's gotten better at this. This whole talking to people thing. She feels actually quite comfortable now, and they're talking about _porn_.

_Who have I become?_ she wonders.

(An additional truth: she may be comfortable with people, but with no one more than she is with Cassian.)

"You can be sure about that…" he's saying now. "I actually hope to erase this from my mind… why would anyone ever use the words _velvet wrapped steel_ in this context? Oh, I will never be able to think about velvet or wrapped things or steel the same way…"

This time Nesta actually laughs. She's found that she loves laughing. Why didn't she do it more before?

When had she stopped?

Had she ever really laughed before them? She hadn't even been close to her sisters before high school. She'd never felt like she belong with them, or with anyone else.

Was that what caused the laughter now? Did she… _belong_?

 Cassian lightly touches her elbow. "Nes, you okay?"

She gives a small nod.

He moves his hand to her chin, tilting it up. "Hey."

She doesn't want to meet his eyes. She really doesn't. But she does. She hasn't been able to _not_ meet his eyes like… ever. They always called to her, like magnets. At first to yell at him, then to talk to him, then to just… look at each other. (And oh, do they look at each other.)

She breathes in and out slowly. "I was just thinking. About stuff. I'm okay, honestly."

"Well, if you wanna talk about stuff, you know where to find me."

She nods again.

His eyes don't leave hers. It feels like they could stay like this forever.  

He's moved his hand a little. Now, it's almost completely cupping her cheek. She wants to say something, anything. But she can't stop replaying the last time they were this close.

When he… he had…

(kissed her.)

The moment she starts remembering it, she shakes her head and pulls away. She tries to give some excuse to leave, but words are the ones who have left her already. And she can't look at him now.

But she also can't leave. She doesn't want him to think that she doesn't want to-

But wait of course she doesn't want to. Right. Of course.

She fixes her gaze in a spot on the bookshelf. Safe.

He clears his throat.

"So hey, hmm, we're still up for your birthday?"

"Yeah", she whispers. At least she hopes she whispered it.

Why is she acting like this? She's been kissed before. She even totally knew he was going to do it that night.

(She most definitely was hoping for it.)

It wasn't a big deal. But she just keeps thinking about it. And she hates him for it.

She turns around just as Cassian murmurs "Can't wait."

A party all for her turning 18. She'll have to spend time with him- them. Them, of course. Not just him.

She walks away, still shaking her head a little.

Amren is definitely wondering where she's gone. And she obviously is thinking who knows what about the fact that Cassian isn't at his table anymore.

Nesta can just hear her friend smirking like she knows some secret and saying " _Can't wait is right_."

(Truth is… the secret is really only still a secret to her.)


End file.
